Theo on Cha'Vin revisited

This rough of  an intro to Theodora was an attempt at letting my inner purple run wild; while at the same time introducing important information so what looks like purple might still leak through to further revisions.

This revised version is closer, setting the mood and tone for Amber's voice. The girls are triplets and somewhat identical; though with the clone colony and genetic tweaking in the mix it would take a very close examination of all three to verify exactly how close they are. [We are not yet finished with it.] enjoy:)

The first book of the series some beta's expressed concern over the length of sentences and I reacted possibly to my own discredit by reducing the narrative to kibbles and bits. It works but the whole (being my first effort) stands as a constant lesson on moderation in response to suggestion along with other stylistic choices. 

A reader of the final draft noted that the brevity of the sentence structure was causing bleeding from eyes, ears and nose as though they were undergoing rapid decompression.

The second book I tried to adjust that along with several other things I learned along the way and it is a much better read.

At this point I'm hoping to have found a comfortable place where my longer sentences don't look so much like run-ons and the pacing is better.
J.L.

Chapter from Cripple-Mode:Spooky action::Smoke

I wrote this and let it sit for a bit. I'm not certain if any writer ever puts perfection down in the first draft. That would be nice, but it works out handily that I know I have to go back because often events later might lead to revelations that need further explanation that might work well in a previous section. 

This is not the first draft, but somewhere in that section as far as completeness.